I watched the AnoHana move~ This anime always makes me cry asdfjhgjuzukk
So today I went to a doctor that’s a limb specialist to check up on my hands.
Since none of the doctors were abel to help or even find out whats wrong with me bifore I didn’t have much expectations for today. Things were getting better with my hands and I’m abel to draw a bit again with less pain in my hand, I tought I had a muscle inflamation and when that was healed I’d be all back to normal… I hoped
Turns out I have a deformed joint where the thumb finger is in. I also have weak tendons, they are so weak that the doctor was able to disconect my joint without me eaven realising he was doing that. But I can’t fix either of those things. I was born with a flattened joint and weak tendons.
Of course right now I also have tendon inflamation and my joint is a bit hurt, thats why the pain is constant, so I hope that will get a bit better. But I have to take some anti inflamation pills every time my hands start to hurt and I have to wear a thumb orthosis every time I draw so my hand isn’t overwhelmed. Probably for the rest of my life.
I tried out a thumb orthosis and it sucks and I hope I’ll be abel to find one that is comfortable.
It’s like a sick joke or irony, maybe eaven karma. I feel like my hopes and dreams for the future are practicaly getting crushed. Drawing with my criple hands, being an ilustrator or designer with a goddamn orthosis and pain killers. Let’s hope shit gets better.
It might be a childish thing to say but I always tought I was born to be an “artist” or rather to draw, It was always a part of me. Since I was a kid I always dreamt to be a painter or ilustrator. I looked up to my grandad and mom who are really good at drawing and painting and tought ” I wana be like them when I grow up” and I still do in some way. Actualy I have higher expectations, I wana live off of drawing, desighning. And now, since these problems I have, I started doubting everything.
I guess I’m just a bit worried
My hands are still sore so I still can’t do shit
I miss drawing